And that’s why you haven’t heard from me in a while. All creativity in my body have ceased to exist. Nothing to write about, nothing I want to take a picture of, nothing I want to paint, draw, or even dwell on. I don’t want to do anything besides sit and be numb.
Work sucks – I may have said that before – but I think it is the root of the problem. There’s too much going on for three or four human beings to take care of, yet somehow, I seem to just have more and more things flung my way. I’m not a person who stresses easily, but enough is enough already. My head won’t stop racing. It’s constantly thinking, constantly running. My heart is constantly pounding – thumping out of my chest. My back and my neck are so tense that it’s seriously like touching a rock. I wake up at 6 am and start working. I don’t go to lunch. I don’t leave the house. I work until at least 7 or 8 pm. I break, eat with the boyfriend, then go back to staring at this computer, willing everything to wrap up. I’m done. I can’t possibly do this anymore. The work of one person, one 9 to 5 working girl, is going to have to suffice. Because I don’t have the energy to give a damn anymore – you’ve sapped it out of me. Every bit of life force is gone. It’s what I imagine is happening to me when people take blood from me – that’s what my day job has done.
I’ve vented. It hasn’t made me feel a whole lot better. It hasn’t made me more creative. It hasn’t made my body un-tense. It’s just taken 5 minutes out of my day that I could have been working.