‘The moment you cheat for the sake of beauty, you know you’re an artist.’
– David Hockney
This quote seemed somewhat apropos for this project that started out as a simple way to put more of my toys on display but turned into a vehicle for my current emotional state. Slowly, toys became people, the cage became the gilded cage or bubble we trap ourselves in as we focus on money, jobs, material goods. New ideas began to pop up, such as birds, nature, plants being outside this gilded cage.
Only gold won’t go with my living room. And I don’t have toys that look like the modern woman, the modern me, the one who feels trapped. Well, I do, but Barbies aren’t something I want to showcase in my living room. Yes, I realize the contradiction here. I commenting on my bubble while decorating my bubble. I do have a hard time disconnecting from my material goods, but they’re what have me in this state.
This state. I once had a co-worker discover my site, and he couldn’t believe I lived this double life. Little mention of my artwork during the 9-to-5, no mention of a 9-to-5 on this site. Yes, for those of you who don’t know me, I have a day job. Thus why this site is so rarely updated. This job has nothing to do with photography, art, food, or any of the passions you see emerge from my online presence, from my Madd Hatter persona. My day job is spent digging through data in Excel sheets, having other people craft marketing copy, putting together PowerPoints, all with the goal of creating and marketing amazing products that millions of people use every day. When my day job is going well, I love it. I love having influence on products that this many people touch in a day, that serves a purpose, whether it’s disseminating information or providing a new tool for a friend. But when the job takes a turn, and the focus becomes how we can squeeze another dime of profit into our bottom line, I lose interest. Add a bunch of bureaucratic bull to the mix and I’m done, call it a day.
So that’s where I’m at. Bureaucratic swirl has had me down for 2 years and counting now. Most people wouldn’t say I’m a patient person, or an optimist, so they’ll find this funny: that’s what keeps me going. If these companies have done great things for so long, things have to get better, there has to be a change around the corner.
Then there’s the other thing that keeps me in this world. Money. I admit, I like the finer things in life. I like eating good food, traveling to exotic places, and coming home to collapse in *my* house. This is also the first time in many years that I’ve had the money to fund my creative side, to buy a printer, ink, paper, fabrics, frames, paints, etc. Yes, there are artists that make beautiful things from found objects; I was never one of those.
Only now I have supplies. I have ideas. I’m just exhausted. I really don’t know how others do it with kids, family, jobs, etc. So it boils down to a broke artist with no supplies, or a broken artist with supplies but no brain power to execute.