D is for Dependency

September 10, 2009

It seems I’m in a D mood lately. Dependency, dreaming, domestication… DDD.

This morning I had a realization how dependent I’ve become. I was thinking of going for a run or a bike ride, or both. I thought a bike ride on the trail would be nice, but I would have to go alone. That was a big deterrent in my mind (there’s the D again). Then I wondered, “What the hell is wrong with me? I can ride a bike alone.” Yet even after that realization, I was still debating (D) on whether or not to go.

I went. It was grand. I decided (D) to only ride, mainly because I couldn’t find the bike racks at the park (found them after I gave up the idea of the run, so I’ll know next time). Six and a half miles, mulling over and over in my mind why I don’t want to do (DD) things alone anymore. I no longer want to go out and grab dinner (D) by myself; I rarely go out to shop, because it will be by myself. I used to never have this problem. I did all sorts of things all by my lonesome.

Goal: get over it.
Realization: I love having Raju to do stuff with. It’s like having a best friend around all the time. Except he’s not around all the time. He has a life. I have a life. We have a life. I should live my life. Starting with the bike ride this morning. Maybe I’ll follow up with lunch at the pho restaurant. Hopefully dinner will be shared over a nice glass of wine, though. Me sharing – that’s another topic.



August 24, 2009

This weekend I was finally able to recapture that feeling I had in Manihi, that feeling of freedom, wind in my hair, propelling myself forward at a fast clip by only the power of my own two legs. That feeling of riding a bike.

Three years ago (three!!) I wrote an article about riding a bike in Manihi. I’ve wanted a bike for a while; I haven’t had one since I was in the fifth grade. When we moved to the house, the first order of business was to buy a bike. Raju managed to do this, but I, as usual, drug my feet. I didn’t know what I wanted. Actually, I did; I just didn’t know where to go about getting it. So while dragging my feet, I just stated that first sentence, “I don’t know what I want…” Big sigh….

This weekend, I was determined to buy a bike. I woke from my nap and told Raju, “I’m going to the bike store.” He, of course, knows what this means. I kid myself into thinking I’m just looking. He knows I’ll walk out with a bike.

And I did! I guess I actually rode out with a bike. The bike in the pic above to be exact. It needs a basket and a bell, and I still need a crash helmet, but I had fun this weekend. We rode to the pizzeria, we rode on the trail. We rode around the neighborhood, then we tucked the bikes in for the night.

Hopefully they’ll get some use this week too. I don’t want this to be just a weekend thing. It feels too good. It puts a smile on my face. I now have grand plans of riding to the lake, pic-a-nick-ing (watching, of course, to make sure Yogi isn’t around). Maybe strapping a backpack with camera on and discovering new places. We’ll see where it leads.

Ahhhhhh! To have a bike.