Life continues @ warp speed

November 16, 2009
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And my brain continues at a snail’s pace.

My past week+ has been taken up with a nervous stomach over Milo, and the ups and downs a parent might feel. First, worried about his surgery (torn ACL). Followed by happy that he was coming home. Followed by worry that he was too excited, followed by extreme worry that he wasn’t moving, followed by feeling helpless and sleeping in his bed with him because he was upset and crying, and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. This was followed by feelings of “did I do the right thing?” over the surgery; is he eating enough; is he eating too little? How much pain killer do I give him? Do I need to sedate him at night? Is it really okay if I leave his cone off? Is he using that leg too much? Too little? Will removing his staples tomorrow be painful? How will he react going back to the vet? Should I go to D.C. for Thanksgiving? What if something happens?????

Brain at a snail’s pace, unless it is thinking about Milo. Then it is flying at light speed, along with my heart, my breath. I know it will all turn out fine, but I can’t stop the anxiety.


D is for Dependency

September 10, 2009

It seems I’m in a D mood lately. Dependency, dreaming, domestication… DDD.

This morning I had a realization how dependent I’ve become. I was thinking of going for a run or a bike ride, or both. I thought a bike ride on the trail would be nice, but I would have to go alone. That was a big deterrent in my mind (there’s the D again). Then I wondered, “What the hell is wrong with me? I can ride a bike alone.” Yet even after that realization, I was still debating (D) on whether or not to go.

I went. It was grand. I decided (D) to only ride, mainly because I couldn’t find the bike racks at the park (found them after I gave up the idea of the run, so I’ll know next time). Six and a half miles, mulling over and over in my mind why I don’t want to do (DD) things alone anymore. I no longer want to go out and grab dinner (D) by myself; I rarely go out to shop, because it will be by myself. I used to never have this problem. I did all sorts of things all by my lonesome.

Goal: get over it.
Realization: I love having Raju to do stuff with. It’s like having a best friend around all the time. Except he’s not around all the time. He has a life. I have a life. We have a life. I should live my life. Starting with the bike ride this morning. Maybe I’ll follow up with lunch at the pho restaurant. Hopefully dinner will be shared over a nice glass of wine, though. Me sharing – that’s another topic.