For the first time in a while, I’m feeling right. Not sick. Not anxious. No belly full of butterflies, nausea in the pit of my stomach, afraid something is bad, bad wrong. I can’t put my finger on why exactly I was feeling that way, but that feeling has overtaken me for months, paralyzing me. Maybe it was just a string of random events, maybe it was just the winter doldrums. Does it really matter? I now feel like I can breathe, like there’s fresh ideas that might spring forth. When I look over and see Milo contemplating the Buddha, I can just laugh, feeling light and free and happy.

Filed under:
Day in the Life, Happy, just a picture, Milo, not just a picture, Observances, Stresses by Courtney

It seems I’m in a D mood lately. Dependency, dreaming, domestication… DDD.

This morning I had a realization how dependent I’ve become. I was thinking of going for a run or a bike ride, or both. I thought a bike ride on the trail would be nice, but I would have to go alone. That was a big deterrent in my mind (there’s the D again). Then I wondered, “What the hell is wrong with me? I can ride a bike alone.” Yet even after that realization, I was still debating (D) on whether or not to go.

I went. It was grand. I decided (D) to only ride, mainly because I couldn’t find the bike racks at the park (found them after I gave up the idea of the run, so I’ll know next time). Six and a half miles, mulling over and over in my mind why I don’t want to do (DD) things alone anymore. I no longer want to go out and grab dinner (D) by myself; I rarely go out to shop, because it will be by myself. I used to never have this problem. I did all sorts of things all by my lonesome.

Goal: get over it.
Realization: I love having Raju to do stuff with. It’s like having a best friend around all the time. Except he’s not around all the time. He has a life. I have a life. We have a life. I should live my life. Starting with the bike ride this morning. Maybe I’ll follow up with lunch at the pho restaurant. Hopefully dinner will be shared over a nice glass of wine, though. Me sharing – that’s another topic.

Filed under:
Domestic Life, Observances, Stream of Consciousness, Stresses by Courtney