For the first time in a while, I’m feeling right. Not sick. Not anxious. No belly full of butterflies, nausea in the pit of my stomach, afraid something is bad, bad wrong. I can’t put my finger on why exactly I was feeling that way, but that feeling has overtaken me for months, paralyzing me. Maybe it was just a string of random events, maybe it was just the winter doldrums. Does it really matter? I now feel like I can breathe, like there’s fresh ideas that might spring forth. When I look over and see Milo contemplating the Buddha, I can just laugh, feeling light and free and happy.

Filed under:
Day in the Life, Happy, just a picture, Milo, not just a picture, Observances, Stresses by Courtney

It seems I’m in a D mood lately. Dependency, dreaming, domestication… DDD.

This morning I had a realization how dependent I’ve become. I was thinking of going for a run or a bike ride, or both. I thought a bike ride on the trail would be nice, but I would have to go alone. That was a big deterrent in my mind (there’s the D again). Then I wondered, “What the hell is wrong with me? I can ride a bike alone.” Yet even after that realization, I was still debating (D) on whether or not to go.

I went. It was grand. I decided (D) to only ride, mainly because I couldn’t find the bike racks at the park (found them after I gave up the idea of the run, so I’ll know next time). Six and a half miles, mulling over and over in my mind why I don’t want to do (DD) things alone anymore. I no longer want to go out and grab dinner (D) by myself; I rarely go out to shop, because it will be by myself. I used to never have this problem. I did all sorts of things all by my lonesome.

Goal: get over it.
Realization: I love having Raju to do stuff with. It’s like having a best friend around all the time. Except he’s not around all the time. He has a life. I have a life. We have a life. I should live my life. Starting with the bike ride this morning. Maybe I’ll follow up with lunch at the pho restaurant. Hopefully dinner will be shared over a nice glass of wine, though. Me sharing – that’s another topic.

Filed under:
Domestic Life, Observances, Stream of Consciousness, Stresses by Courtney

I’m sooooo ready for it. Sitting on the couch for an entire weekend, doing nothing, but eating nachos, wings, pizza, brats, and other yummy non-healthy things. Beer! Lovely, lovely beer. And not planning a wedding.

It’s coming… only 12 more days. The next week is going to be a mad rush to get everything done. The weekend after the wedding I am doing nothing. I am going to pretend it’s a football weekend, even if it’s not yet on. I’m going to eat oooey-gooey cheesy food and sit on the couch… Well, I might take Milo to the beach, but that’s about it.

Here’s to August 25th!!

Filed under:
Day in the Life, Stresses, Wedding by Courtney